32. Now I am feeling sad, even though I meditated
Dec 03, 2023
You are going through life and all is well. Instantly, it all changed and you were on your knees, feeling lost with no idea how life goes on without your loved one.
Hi, I am Janet Jones, founder of Happiness Millionaire. I have recently started talking to a rock! This helps me navigate the next chapter of my life, the chapter without my 22-year-old son, Murray. Join me with my musings about life, grief, and loss with my rock, Sylvia-Rose. To learn why she is called Sylvia-Rose and how and why we met, I invite you to read my first blog - 'If Rocks Could Talk, Meet Sylvia-Rose'. You could also register to have these blogs delivered to your email inbox so you never miss them. Click the FOLLOW SYLVIA-ROSE button.
A chat with Sylvia-Rose about how I am still feeling bad. - 24th of Jan, 2022
SR - Good morning. Happy Monday, as they say.
Jan - Morning. It is a lovely one.
SR - How are you doing?
Jan - Now or recently?
SR - Both?
Jan - Now I am feeling sad. Gentle tears and sobs as I sit here with you, looking at this beautiful morning. Even though I set my alarm early so I could meditate and ease into my morning with self-care, the sadness of losing Murray and the confusion of how my life got to this still got me.
SR - I guess you need to keep doing it. What happened to Murray, you, and your family is MASSIVE. It won’t be healed and accepted in a few days, weeks, months, or even years. Maybe not ever. Are you ready for that?
Jan - No. perhaps that is something I should reflect on and work out how I will handle that.
SR - Perhaps that is something to get help with from a grief counselor.
Jan - Yes. I think you are right. Yesterday, I helped my neighbour chop a tree down. I was regularly triggered emotionally but I held it together. We needed a rope to stop branches from just falling down and causing harm. It was the first time I had touched a climbing rope since Murray’s fall. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that it was ok. All was ok. Then the rope fell out of the tree and my neighbour asked me to climb the ladder to pass it to him. It was very high. That gave me impressions of Murray’s fall but I managed myself well. It was practice to learn to manage my emotions with other people. If I don’t, my life could get even lonelier 
SR - It is a fine balance between balancing your true feelings of pain and fear while taking into account how others might feel. This isn’t easy for you.
Jan - No kidding. It takes such energy too. I have no option. I don’t want to lose any more friends. And I want to feel a sense of calm in me too. So I guess the practice will help me live more peacefully. I can honour those feelings and let them pass quietly and then get myself back into the same world as everyone else.
SR - That sounds like a good practice.
Jan - I was with my friends for dinner last night and when I left, my friend gave me a hug and congratulated me on my strength to be positive. I said ‘for today’! We both laughed, knowing that it could go in a heartbeat.
SR - It is still early days.
Jan - It is. I was wondering of changing the word ‘grief’ into ‘healing’. It seems to me like healing is working through the pain. Grief is certainly painful.
SR - That sounds like a good idea. Perhaps it can give meaning to the pain and allow you to be more patient with it. You can’t rush the healing of a broken leg. It heals in its own time. So does this. What will you do with the rest of your day?
Jan - I am going to check out doing some gardening in my local Community Garden.
SR - It will be good to be with people. You are doing all the right things. Thank you for sharing this with me.
Jan - Thank you for being here. I am glad I found you.
SR - Me too. Have a
Lovely day, however, it may turn out. Just keep having them. See you soon.
