34. Not now mum
Dec 03, 2023
You are going through life and all is well. Instantly, it all changed and you were on your knees, feeling lost with no idea how life goes on without your loved one.
Hi, I am Janet Jones, founder of Happiness Millionaire. I have recently started talking to a rock! This helps me navigate the next chapter of my life, the chapter without my 22-year-old son, Murray. Join me with my musings about life, grief, and loss with my rock, Sylvia-Rose. To learn why she is called Sylvia-Rose and how and why we met, I invite you to read my first blog - 'If Rocks Could Talk, Meet Sylvia-Rose'. You could also register to have these blogs delivered to your email inbox so you never miss them. Click the FOLLOW SYLVIA-ROSE button.
Chatting with Sylvia-Rose about when Murray says 'Not now, Mum'. 29th January 2022
SR - Hi. You better hold on to your hat!!
Jan - I know. I nearly got blown backward getting here. It was worth it though. A beautiful day.
SR - Dare I say you are sounding and looking lighter? We haven’t spoken for a while, you have just been turning back. I knew we would speak when it was right for you.
Jan - Yes. Sorry about that. I wanted to establish some of the ideas we had the last time we spoke. I wanted to check the effectiveness before talking.
SR - Good idea. Remind me what you were doing.
Jan - As you know, this year was a challenge for me. It was the beginning of a new one and it felt like a mammouth task to start another year again without Murray. And then, of course, there was the emotional breakdown in the cinema that threw me into the dark pit I seemed to walk alongside of.
I couldn’t stay there. It is such a painful place but it is MY painful place and no matter how much people wish they could take some of that pain to make life easier for me, they can’t. Only I can disperse the pain. I have learned a lot this past week.
SR - Great. You definitely look and sound different. Tell me more.
Jan - I have walked here every day plus a couple of dips in the sea!! I also established a morning and bedtime meditation practice. Without fail, I spend an hour in the morning meditating to rebalance my chakras, the seven energy channels that connect me to all that is natural. When I have completed that I do the Ho’onopono prayer for forgiveness and reconciliation. This is a Hawaiian prayer that allows us to take responsibility for all that has happened to us. It is a mantra of ‘I’m sorry, please forgive me, I thank you, I love you.’ You can say this to everything from the universe to old relationships. It has been quite magical. I sing along to it in my mind and at times, I have felt Murray show up and he sings it with me. The tears of healing roll down my cheeks. I guess I will get a full sense of healing when I sing it and there are no tears, I just feel at peace. It is great. You can do it anywhere, anytime. It is so much better than some of the thoughts we have going on in our heads 
SR - An hour seems like a long time.
Jan - It is really worth it. I feel so much more at peace. We are stronger, more present, and less fearful when we are at peace. I set my alarm for 6 am now. I used to just hide under my duvet and wait until I convinced myself to get out of bed. I felt exhausted when I did get up and felt very low about facing another day. Now I look forward to my days again. I think an hour is a small price to pay. I also end my day writing a letter to Murray and a body scan meditation. Amazing. It sounds busy but it is such a beautiful routine. I look forward to going to bed, getting up, and being present in my day.
SR - That sounds like the bliss we were talking about.
Jan - Exactly. I also keep a lighted candle beside me when I am working to remind me to choose peace, calm, and bliss. The world is better when we do that.
SR - Well done!!! This is wonderful. I guess you can’t take it for granted.
Jan - Sylvia-Rose, my big lesson out of all of this is that you can’t take ANYTHING for granted. Never sit back complacent.
SR - It sounds, to me, like you are ready to get back in the ring and live again!!
Jan - I have been feeling that. I am going to maintain this practice forever!
SR - It will bring you the courage you need to step out and fully live.
Jan - Murray and I have an agreement. I am allowed to say I miss him but when he sees my tears coming, he pops his arm around my shoulder and says, ‘not now, mum.’ I take a deep breath, smile, and go back to peace.
SR - He is a good boy, your son. I believe you will both go far. Remember, I am here to give you courage, commitment and shine the power of love on you for all you want to do with your new life. It is a new life, Jan.
Jan - Yes it is. A new life. A new adventure.
SR - Be mindful of the dark pit you walk beside but don’t be afraid to fall in from time-to-time. It seems like there are great lessons to be learned so long as you don’t stay in for too long.
Jan - I believe you are right. Perhaps we all have a pit we walk alongside, just not as deep, dark, or visible for everyone. I am shivering now. Time for me to get out of this wind.
SR - Yes. It has been lovely chatting with you and seeing more growth and healing. Go and get a nice hot drink to warm your body and your soul.
Jan - I love you, Sylvia-Rose.
SR - You are very special too. I will see you soon.
