11. Turn weakness into strength and grief into peace

SR - It is amazing, isn’t it? It is also amazing you have walked here every day this week so far. Will you make it a hat trick tomorrow?

 

Jan - mmm.... I am deliberating with my answer. I want to say, ‘I will try.’ I know how weak that answer is but I do feel weak in the mornings.

SR - Did you feel weak this morning?

 

Jan - Yes. I woke with sadness again. That seems to be as constant as the sun rising.

SR - It won’t be. Things always change. That is a constant you can rely on.

Jan - When I am in bed, alone, I indulge myself in walking back in my mind to times with Murray. I hate leaving him behind. I know I am avoiding facing another day without him.

 

SR - Somehow you found the strength to get from under your warm duvet into the cold windy morning to come here. I commend you.

Jan - It has started as a day where I don’t have much to give.

This is such a lonely road. Not in having lots of people around me. I am very fortunate and I am surrounded by love and kindness. It is lonely on the inside. There is only me dealing with this in there.

 

SR - That is true. This is about acceptance. I know you know Murray has gone, to who knows where, but your heart doesn’t want that. I get that. Please, nurture your heart. This isn’t pleasant what is happening but it is precious. What do I mean by that? I mean because Murray is precious, then him in your heart makes this precious. Hold your heart like a jewel. The jewel that it is. By holding your heart you create space for acceptance and the mornings you want to walk back in time will reduce. I promise that.

Jan - Thank you for that message. I will do that.

 

SR - Create new habits around it. Perhaps when you go to sleep, holding your heart as a precious jewel will help you sleep. Feel white light flowing through it. In the morning, BEFORE PICKING UP YOUR PHONE, place your hand on your heart. Give love to your precious son and say you choose to live in the present moment.

Jan - that is a lovely idea. I will do that. Thank you.

 

SR - Murray wants to live too. He needs you to be living in the present moment. He can’t change anything from the past either. Can you get your teeth stuck into something that would allow Murray a voice and an energy? I just want you to be thinking about that. Until we have you more consistently in the present moment, you may take the wrong actions. Let’s stay with this for a while. Your first step is to get your butt out of that cute little house of yours!

Jan - You will be proud of me. This morning, when I did get up to make myself put on my warm clothes to come here, I felt the weight of the sadness. I decided to take action. I stood in front of my mirror and asked myself what do I want to choose for today. I chose happiness. I did that a few times and happiness was always the answer. That made getting up, getting dressed and getting out the right action and I did that with an attitude of desire. It isn’t easy living consciously.

 

SR - It isn’t but this way you will definitely get the best from your life.

Well done, my friend. Time for you to get back and do something else with this beautiful day.

How are you getting on finding a man?

Jan - It has only been one day. Let’s not have that chat just yet 

 

SR - just keep your mind and heart open.

Jan - Thanks. I am off. It is sunny but freezing!!! Xxx