25. Why you should drop the 'F' word, like a hot potato

Jan - I know. I just wanted to come and see you. I can’t stay long as the light is going.

 

SR - I know and there are no street lights on the beach.

Jan - Thank goodness!!

 

SR - Exactly. I would hate all that light pollution. Anyway, how have you been?

Jan - Up and down. I decided to step back and just ‘be’, as you suggested. So, candlelit baths, meditations, writing to Murray, and stepping away from my phone. That has been so refreshing and helped me focus on the things I have been doing. For a couple of nights, I took sleeping pills. The first night I woke several times but got straight back to sleep, however, it took hours for me to get up in the morning. The second night I just kept waking up and they didn’t make any difference, other than being drowsy in the morning. I didn’t like that so I stopped them.

 

SR - No. You must do what works for you.

Jan - Lianne has just been over to balance my chakras using Reiki. Apparently, I was all closed off except for my crown Chakra. I am still connected to the source.

 

SR - That explains a lot. I guess what happened while watching West Side Story and Murray’s last moments coming into your consciousness, plus falling out with your friend, closed you down in order to help you survive. The body made you go inwards before opening you back up again.

Jan - I guess so. I am getting ready to open up again. In fact, on the walk here, I had another enlightened moment. There is no way this could have happened with my heart chakra closed off.

 

SR - I am all ears, well, all rock

Jan - Recently, I have been saying ‘f*** it’ or ‘f*** ‘em’, quite a lot! In fact, it became my mantra. I believed it was the only way to survive this. In anger, I wanted to shun everything and everyone. I wanted everything away from me.

 

SR - Perhaps it was the only way until now?

Jan - Maybe. It helped for a while.

 

SR - What was your enlightened moment?

Jan - Walking here, as the effect of the reiki was opening me up, I realised that we are all doing the best we can with our lives and we don’t get the chance to walk in each other’s shoes, not even for one moment. It occurred to me that ‘F*** it/them’ should be ‘Forgive it/them’ because we all live life from our own experiences and our own reactions to our experiences. No one is right or wrong. It was that simple.

 

SR - The best things often are. That is great.

Jan - I realised that ‘F*** ...’ is not only holding on to anger but creating it too. Anger is NEVER going to heal me, or help me transition to a peaceful future, or solve anyone’s problems, not even the world’s problems. Not that I can sort those

 

SR - This is a great lesson, Jan. Thank you for sharing that. What are you going to do if you get caught out? You know how difficult these enlightened moments are to hold on to!

Jan - I have thought about that and I will do my best, using the words of Ekhart Tolle, ‘Drop it like a hot potato’.

 

SR - Brilliant. It is great to see awareness coming back to you. You better get going. The night is falling and the tide coming in.

Jan - I will. See you soon.