41. Making Mother's Day happy instead of sad

Jan - Life has gone a little crazy. Just after my birthday, in February, I was laying under my dining table, removing screws to take the top off (I have my reasons ) I was, once again, overcome by sadness. The tears were falling as I removed these screws, a small attempt to improve something in my life, I was hating the pain. As the tears rolled down my cheeks, I spoke to Murray and said, ‘Do you want me to work so hard and be so busy I no longer think of you?’ He didn’t exactly answer but my feet haven’t touched the ground since!

 

SR - It sounds like that was him speaking to you.

Jan - I know, because opportunity has found me. After I returned from Panama, I arranged to do some professional development and prepare for my return to speaking and training - in Happiness! It was planned for the end of April. Two weeks ago, I was minding my own business and going to the beach when my friend, Richard McCann called, that is who I was doing the training with, and said that a place was available that weekend. I had 24 hours to pack up and get there. Plus, my children had invited me on a skiing holiday for Mother’s Day.

 

SR - Happy Mother’s Day!

Jan - Thanks. So, I am just back from Bulgaria. It was lovely all being together. There is always the sadness of an empty chair and we all know in our hearts that we wish Murray were there with us, causing havoc and joining in the debates and jokes. On Mother’s Day, I took his framed photo up the mountain and a beer that I carried from Panama. It was very special.

 

SR - What happens now you are back? How long are you back for?

Jan - Who knows!! These trips away are as much a surprise to me as they are to you! It is strange when you return home. You feel nothing has changed really, yet there has been change inside. What do I do with that change now? I don’t quite know. You see, no matter what changes, the one constant thing that doesn’t change is the heavy heart I carry around with me. An interesting life is being built around it. I think ‘being built’ is important there. We think that unless we are constantly working at achieving something, nothing will happen. Partly true. But then, if you keep showing up for your life, people will see you and things will happen. So long as you know who you are and what you value in life, you will attract those things and then you can say ‘yes’ to them when they show up. That is what happened to me recently.

 

SR - You have been very lucky.

Jan - I can understand you saying that but I don’t believe it is luck, I believe it is alignment, a path opening up and when you trust, then you can follow. I don’t really KNOW where this will take me but I do know there is an important message to share and I know I am not afraid to share it. It isn’t absolutely clear yet but it is coming.

 

SR - I am very much looking forward to seeing it unfold. From what I see, the world is in a bit of a mess. It needs a message of hope.

Jan - It is. More than I have ever known. At times it can get me down but I am learning to surrender to everything. When we let things get us down, we can’t see the path that is unfolding before us. I realised that I can’t control rising inflation, where we get our fuel, or if our fuel will last, what will we do if it runs out? I can’t control who gets Covid or who goes out of business. And the one thing I REALLY wish I could control, I have had to let go in my heart and that is to bring Murray back from wherever he is. In fact, there are times I feel he has now truly gone. Then when I think that, something shows up that is possibly saying, ‘I’m still here.’

 

SR - If everything is all one, then he is still part of the one.

Jan - I hear that and part of me is fully onboard with that but he isn’t physically here. I have had to let go of that. Let go of the aching to hear his voice and see his face, receive a text, and even tell him off. The aching in my arms to hug him. To solve that, I take extra long hugs from Lewis. Life is building around this and it is a beautiful life. I feel more grateful than ever. I can’t believe I am being drawn back to speak about happiness when not so long ago, I hated happiness. I didn’t believe In it. I thought it was for fools and I had been foolish! This time I am going to add the power of love to that conversation.

 

SR - In these challenging times, it is a much-needed conversation. People need to come together and be strong to pass through life’s challenges.

Jan - Passing through. That is a great way to say it. That is what we are doing, not only in life’s situations but life itself. That is a big thought to leave this conversation with. Passing through. As we pass through, we get to witness life as we go. Maybe we shouldn’t be wishing it were like another time. Many people do. I do, at times. But we are passing through and these are our times, now, with all its complexities. This is it. The main thing, I think, is to gather as much love as you can. Love in the good times and love in the bad.

We have chatted for ages. The tide is coming in.

 

SR - You better go. It has been great to see you. I love seeing the person who is emerging. Keep growing, my friend. Keep growing.

Jan - Thank you. I hope to see you soon but who knows