24. What to do when your heart still feels heavy and disconnected

Jan - Thank you. It was a tough decision to get out of bed to be here for the sunrise and it is late this time of year.

 

SR - How do you feel now you are here?

Jan - Good question. I still feel heavy and disconnected. I am glad I made the effort. I think. The scenery is great and always good for the soul. I tried a little Thai Chi walking into the sunrise. It was nice. I can see how it might help.

 

SR - You must get out when you can and try everything to settle your soul. Stay with things. Don’t expect instant results and please, don’t stay home alone too often. I know there are times you need to and that is nurturing. I do feel you may create a habit that could be hard to break.

Jan - Good advice. I promise to keep getting up and getting out. It really isn’t easy though.

 

SR - Nothing about this is easy. You are doing great. It isn’t a time thing. It is about being in the moment. It isn’t a head thing, where you can change your outlook, it is a heart thing that requires love. Give love to your heart and you give it strength and courage. Do that at the moment. Don’t wait for one day when you feel better. There is no utopia where this doesn’t exist. Well, there may well be but it isn’t in your physical world. I don’t think. I could be wrong.

Jan - From where I am you don’t seem wrong. I don’t hold on to the pain to hold on to Murray. It just rises up unexpectedly.

 

SR - I see that. And that is fine. Just about everyone in the world carries some grief, especially at the moment.

Jan - That is so true. We are all grieving at the moment. Grieving for moments lost with loved ones due to Covid restrictions, freedoms for adventure, freedoms just to gather and be together. There is a lot of pain in all of that. I feel that pain too.

 

SR - It will heal. Where there is grief, there is awakening. I know you have experienced that. With the world in grief, there is a big awakening. Don’t go back to sleep! As you heal from this sideswipe of grief, you too will have another wake-up. I know it is hard to believe but you will. Remember, it isn’t about time. It is all happening together. People always want to move forward but you must learn to ‘be’ first because time is all the same. If it were possible to move forward, your inner child would be passed. In fact, there would be no such thing. How can the child in you exist when you become an adult if time moves forward?

Jan - I had never thought of it that way.

 

SR - That is why you shouldn’t rush grief. It needs nurturing and it always will. Just like your inner child often needs some attention, be patient with all your ages where change happens. The 28-year-old who got married and started a family is as much a part of you now as then. The 45-year-old who divorced is much a part of you now. All of 'you' needs to be nurtured and loved and you are the best one to do that. This sunrise is a beautiful way to nurture yourself. Take in the gentle sound of the sea this morning. Like emotions, the sea isn’t always calm.

Jan - No. I can see that. Now, more than ever, patience is required. It is also about extending that patience to others.

 

SR - Without patience for yourself, there is no patience for others. Without love for yourself, there is no love for others, and without peace for yourself, there is no peace for others. Whatever you want to receive, you must learn to create it for yourself first. You cannot give what you don’t have.

Jan - Will there ever be a day when the lessons are over? This is exhausting.

 

SR - Yes. There will be a day. Your final day. It is only exhausting when you want to control it. Accept how you feel, the decisions you make, the life you have. Breathe and accept it. When you are in a place of acceptance often, you can watch your life grow and heal. Don’t rush. Don’t control. BE. Life is great and you are healed, remember? These are the bumps we spoke about. This was a big one but you have got this. Keep doing what you are doing. Keep showing up. That’s it. Now go and ‘be’ in this day.

Jan - Thank you. I will gift myself today.

 

SR - You should gift yourself every day. They are your days.

Jan - You are too wise. Thank you. I will get off now.

 

SR - I will see you when I see you. No pressure just ‘be’. Do things because they are right, not because you have to. Your heart knows.

Jan - I will see you when my heart brings me.