3. How to stop comfort eating after grief and loss
Nov 12, 2021
After losing Murray, I joined several bereaved parenting groups on Facebook. The weight was piling on me. I knew what I was doing but I wanted to know if I were alone. I asked the question, ‘Has anyone put excessive weight on since losing their child?’ The response was overwhelmingly, yes. Comfort eating, drinking, binging, or even drug abuse seemed to be a common approach to grief. It makes sense but what do you do?
24th of October 2021
Me - Smile, Sylvia-Rose
SR. Morning. Just! Do you have to do that?
Me - Do what?
SR - Take a selfie
Me - Everyone does it. You look cute
SR - Thanks. How are you today?
Me - I am ok.
SR - Even after you drank a whole bottle of wine?
Me - Boy, do you watch everything?
SR - Yes. I saw the crisps and large chocolate buttons. Delicious for sure but you know they make you feel bad and put weight on, which adds to your unhappiness, doesn’t it?
Me- Yeah. It does.
SR - So why the whole bottle? You could have just had a glass!
Me - Are you intent on shaming me? I just did. People fail. It is ok. I will be strong next time.
SR - I am not shaming you. I don’t have that power. You can only feel shame if you give your power away. Take your power back.
Me - I am taking it back. It was OK to have a wee binge last night. Things didn’t go as I expected. My heart was hurting. I was missing Murray and I wanted it to stop. It was Saturday night. I was alone – again. I know these times show up to test my strength. That is what you are really talking about, isn’t it? Being strong. It isn’t always that easy. I am human and the lessons are hard.
SR - Yes, Jan, I know but that is where I wanted you to go with this. You saw the lesson. Next time weakness shows up, tempting you, go for a walk, meditate, call a friend, or write to me. You don’t have to visit to speak with me. I am always with you. My role is to support your courage and bravery.
Me - Thanks. I need to go now. I am meeting a friend for breakfast. See you tomorrow. Xx
SR - It’s a late breakfast! You need to get a wiggle on, as they say Bye. Remember, you are not alone and you can talk to me anytime. Xx
It is so important to remember we aren’t alone in suffering. Buddha believed that suffering came from desiring. Desiring the situation to be different, if it is impossible to change, increases suffering and grief. Eating is a way to take a break from desiring change. It will numb the senses for a while but it will not change anything. It will make things worse. As Brene Brown, author of Daring Greatly, says, ‘numb the pain and you numb the joy.’ However, I wanted to know I wasn’t alone in this approach because this made me feel weak, which is why I asked the question on Facebook. At that moment, it was good to know I wasn’t the only person with this weakness. From weakness comes strength but first you must identify your weakness.
